Yeah, I was just a lad when the Canadian mafia came callin. I was always a bit polite, so the lifestyle they offered was a natural fit for somebody like me…nobody says please an thank you like the Canadian Mafia does I tell ya.
Anyhoo, givin my naturally polite nature it didn’t take me long ta move up the ranks an be a real big man in that outfit…in fact, most people said I was a real strong man…an it weren’t just the smell of b.o. they were talkin about neither. I remember the time I was in a back alley with a buncha crazy Germans, an they were all just standin there, tremblin, , expectin the wurst from me…liverwurst…an all I had under my black trench coat was maple syrup an bannock, eh?
Lookin back on it now, maybe them Germans had good reason ta be worried. I shoulda closed that maple syrup jug up a little tighter…cause that whole thing turned into a real sticky situation pretty quick. Yeah, dry cleanin a designer trenchcoat ain’t cheap I tell ya. Anyhoo, after I finally got that mess cleaned up, I decided ta make the move into the real big bucks, an be one of them Canadian shoe smugglers.
I tell ya, I was makin it big smugglin them shoes…snow shoes obviously, till one day I realized that I had lost my sole in this wicked business…an what good is a shoe without a sole? Ya can’t sell that kinda shoe now can ya? Yeah, them’s the kinda life changin questions I found myself askin myself in those days. Goes ta show, there’s no business like shoe business I guess. Well, long story short, that’s when I finally decided ta buckle down an go straight, eh?
Too bad the road I was drivin on curved pretty sharp…an since I was goin straight and didn’t wanna turn, I ended up here in the ditch wondrin when that tow truck is gonna get here ta pull me outta this hole. Let that be a lesson ta y’all, crime don’t pay, an there ain’t no hole so deep ya can’t dig it even deeper, if ya just gotta keep on diggin at it…doin the same thing over an over again…believe me…I’ve been tryin ta dig myself outta this ditch all day…an I gotta feelin I just about got the ditch deep enough that I can finally get out of it before winter comes a blowin in…
Kelvin Bueckert 