Professor Finkelstein and the End of the World as We Know It


Their community center was dying.

Their world was plagued with competent leadership.

Everyone around needed help.

They needed his revolutionary words of wisdom!

Yet, would he be able to deliver the speech had planned for that morning?

Professor Finkelstein cursed under his breath.

It never failed.

Something else always came up on the day when he was set to address his community center board on the latest findings about becoming relevant to the needs of the world around them. Yesterday it was a global plague, today it was the the violent attacks of the alien invasion fleet. Board members and even world leaders always found some excuse not to listen to his truth. That had to change!

An explosion threw the professor against the wall.

As debris fell from the swaying ceiling he staggered to his feet.

Finkelstein opened the back door of the lavishly furnished green room. His eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. Flying saucers filled the sky, swooping and darting, leaving only destruction in their wake. Farther in the distance he could see a mass of mushroom clouds. His jaw tightened as resolve filled his soul. This time he wouldn’t be stopped. The board members needed to hear what he had to say. The professor turned his back on the scene of alien invasion and left the green room behind. Applause rose to greet him as he marched to the podium in the semi-darkness. He had spent his life on these studies and somehow he would deliver his findings if it killed him.

He set his papers on the podium and give the signal.

A brilliant white spotlight flashed upon him.

“Friends, I am humbled. But please…be seated. It gives me great pleasure to share my findings with you today.”

The professor cleared his throat. He could see the shadow cast forms of alien storm troopers filtering in from the back of the community center. He needed to get to the point.

“Some among us have said that our tribe of revolutionaries is irrelevant to the needs of our world at large. Yet, consider this, we have found the truth. We are the ones who have understood the power of building bigger and bigger buildings to awe the small ones, the poor ones outside of the blessing of our fellowship! Our citizens may be longing for relationship and community but we are the only ones who can offer them programs and platitudes!”

A pair of alien storm troopers grabbed the professor’s arms and began tugging at him like ants pulling at a crumb of bread. Sweat poured from Finkelsteins brow as fear overwhelmed him. He gripped the podium with every ounce of strength he possessed and carried on speaking.

“Friends we must continue to honor the rich for they are the ones with money…and only with money can we truely be spiritual beings! We must continue to celebrate the selfish simply because they are charismatic! For good is defined solely by looking good, not by actually doing anything good. We must continue to honor celebrity simply because it is celebrity! For despite of what we may say, in our celebrities we see the true reflection of what our race is really becoming!”

The professor could feel his grip on the podium slipping. His time here was almost done…he knew he had to hurry if he was to finish his speech.

“Emptiness is the great problem of our age…yet, I have good news. My research has clearly shown that disco music was popular in 1978…and if it was popular then, there is no doubt it is just as important now. If we only change our style of music, we will become relevant to our world…to our citizens…and our community center will soon be filled to overflowing once again!”

At last the alien storm troopers pulled him free. As they began dragging him from the stage Finkelstein shouted one last defiant phrase. “Whatever else happens, don’t mention anything that makes our citizens feel uncomfortable! Encourage them stay as they are, then things will change around here!”

With that the speech as over. All over the world, Finkelstein and his kind would be dragged off to face their just punishment, promotion to leadership of this planet. The storm troopers from Planet Earth had easily won the battle. Now that the human race had taken control of this world, many more big changes were in store…or were they?


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