Manitoba Melvin and the Hidden Treasures of Gladstone


And lo, it came to pass that the great white hunter, Manitoba Melvin, slashed his way through the jungles of Gladstone and came upon a primitive soul squatting on the banks of a pristine river.

“Ug. Manitoba Melvin.” Said the primitive one, refusing the take his eyes off of his fishing rod.

“Were you by chance expecting someone else?” Manitoba Melvin said in a somewhat pompous tone.

“Indiana Jones come. Big budget movie. Manitoba Melvin come. Low budget Canadian movie Ug.” Grunted the tribesman, still refusing to look up at the famous adventurer.

“Huh. Maybe you should stop wasting your time and get to work.”

“Work? What then, big man?”

“Then, you can get money of course.”

“Ug. Money. What then?”

“Well, if you have lots of money, you can buy lots of things.”

“Ug. Things. Where I put all these things?”

“In your new house of course.” “New house. Ug.” The primitive one scratched his unshaven chin as he gazed up at the wise white man standing over him. “What happen after I get new house?”

“Why then you’ll finally be happy! You can even take some time off!”

“Ug. Time off. What then?” Manitoba Melvin cracked his whip, snapping a nearby tree branch as a smug smile spread over his face. “Like I said. You’ll be happy! You can do all sorts of fun things, stuff you’ve always wanted to do, for example, you could go fishing.”

The primitive one chuckled as he adjusted a setting on his fishing rod. “Ug. I happy now. I fishing now.” Faced with this logic Manitoba Melvin stood speechless. A profound silhouette in black on the banks of the scenic Whitemud River.

The tribesman stood and began reeling in his fishing line, obviously he had caught a big one. “Sides, dude, while you were standing here wastin time talkin to me, yer buddy Indiana Jones was over there, searching for treasure.”

Manitoba Melvin’s eyes widened. “That’s a thrift store!” The primitive one was laughing now, deep belly laughs as he continued to struggle with his catch. “I guess the sign with the words, Gladstone Treasure Chest on the front of it sucked him in. If you’re looking for cheap thrills, there’s no place like a thrift store to find ’em. They got tons of adventure movies on vhs for cheap! Anyway, yer the great white hunter, so if wanna get in a bargain huntin scene you better stop yakkin to me and get movin.”

With that Manitoba Melvin ran off down the street toward the thrift shop, intent on catching Indiana Jones before he discovered the treasures hidden within…

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