How to Destroy an Organization in Three Easy Steps! A Motivational Fairy Tale.

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It was a professional development meeting.

Like most meetings, the participants were full of joy at the prospect of spending an afternoon in a hot, crowded board room. Indeed, everyone sat and listened with rapt attention to the distinguished looking man pacing before them and ranting.

“It was all their fault!

They were sick!

They needed treatment! So, I gave ’em the silent treatment. Strangely, this punishment didn’t seem to hurt ’em at all, in fact they seemed pretty happy that I finally stopped yellin at them.

Town councilors these days…I tell ya, I’d do a better job myself, but what’s gonna happen to this community if everybody starts gettin off the couch and starts gettin involved? Who’s gonna sit around an complain about the people who are actually doin stuff?

Nobody. Exactly. An to all them people who say I should learn somethin myself before tryin ta teach somebody else a lesson…I say this, everybody knows the less someone knows about somethin, the more they got ta say about somethin…an I got a lotta stuff I still gotta say, I tell ya…I’m just gettin started…once I drive all them competent people outta town, I’m gonna be in charge an we’re really gonna go places…I just gotta figure out whose actually goin ta do stuff an whose fault everythin is gonna be if I’m here in town all by myself…till I get that figured…I got three tips for ya ta help ya get busy in yer own communities.”

As if they were one body, the mass of professionally dressed men and women leaned forward to catch the drops of precious wisdom falling from the mouth of this motivational guru.

Sensing his cue, the speaker stopped pacing and began banging on a blackboard with his cane as he made each point.

  1. “Watch fer Opportunity! It’s easier ta get involved with somethin that is already successful than ta try an start yer own stuff. Watch for somethin successful…then get involved with that.”
  2. “Get Political! It ain’t what made the organization successful that’s important. It ain’t even the people who are actually doin the work that are important. It’s who’s in charge of all this that’s really important. An, ya gotta make sure it’s you! Just don’t start workin, the goal here is ta be in charge, not ta actually do anythin. That’s why ya gotta start playin political games…an winnin them games.”
  3. “Know When Ta Get Out! Keep an eye on the chaos yer causin. When the organization starts windin down cause of all the games yer playin…yer better off gettin out before it collapses in on itself. That way ya still look good an can blame the people who are still workin for the mess that ya leave behind.”
  4. “Start over again with step one. Remember it ain’t important whether yer accomplishin anythin or not…it’s whether yer havin fun or not…so, let yerself go crazy an don’t worry bout naysayers like bosses an authority figures…they’ll belly ache but what are they really gonna do? Fire ya?”

With that, a round of applause filled the board room. Everyone was fired up and ready to apply these radical new ideas in their own organization. It was truly the beginning of a revolution in business and community development. Given this fact, it is only fitting that this amazing story would end with the timeless words…and they all lived happily ever after.

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