The process and implications of mankind discovering fire has been discussed for many years.
Was the great ice age the coolest time in human history?
Was the discovery of fire the downfall of cool?
Can we ever become cool again?
These are the types of questions that fashion experts and archeologists have asked for many years. Some say that the human race is hopelessly out of style and will stay that way forever. However, climate change experts promise that soon the human race will be hotter than ever. Indeed. Hot men and women are welcome at clubs and parties all over our overheated planet. Yet, the real questions of science remain.
How did the downfall of humanity begin in the first place?
When and why did we forsake the grand tradition of cool for the decadent warmth of fire?
Thankfully this process has been revealed at last through recently discovered cave paintings. These paintings upend everything we have ever known about human history. Some say that these paintings may even constitute the first known comic book series. A tremendous find for the human race and the executives at Marvel Studios scrounging for more material indeed! We say they reveal a telling tale of the humanity of humanity. Consider the following pictures and decide for yourself.
Book One. The Glorious Discovery! Chief Expert: Why we make fire? Grog ur idea of rubbing sticks together is stupid! Really. We cool man. If we need fire, we sit and wait for lightning to set fire! Ug! Let’s go clubbing…(Historical note: this type of clubbing was not in the modern sense of the word. It was a much more tribal and primitive experience.)
Book Two. The Age of Indifference. Chief Expert: Grog, you okay. I guess making fire good sometimes. But pure way is still sit and wait for lightening like always. Remember, we gotta stay cool man. Ug! Let’s go clubbing…
Book Three. The Age of Acceptance. Chief Expert: Grog. You right! Making fire smart! Girls at club say we hot if we sit close to fire. Making fire was actually my idea all along. Grog! You go away. I own fire now. Only smart, big expert like me know how to use fire properly. Ug!
Book Four. Global Flood. (Most reviewers of this book say the story is a wet soggy mess…that it left them with a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of their stomachs. Therefore, we won’t say much more about it, except that we are open to a muliti-million dollar buy out deals for this comic book story. If you are from a movie studio you can help us make this story a happy ending. Give us millions today! The world will thank you.)
Kelvin Bueckert 