How to Rob and Pillage a Wagon Train for Dummies! A Manual for the Rest of Us!


The wagon train was silhouetted in the orange light of the setting sun. An unbroken chain of black shadows slowly making their way across the vast untamed prairie.

“Heh. Heh. Look at ’em go. Racin along like a pack of turtles.”

“Yeah. They’re sittin ducks fer us.”

As the two outlaws continued to watch, the wagon train continued on its way across the prairie. Little did any of the settlers in the wagons suspect that they were being studied by two of the most notorious outlaws the west had ever seen. Soon they would pay for this carelessness. Still, they were safe for the moment, as the two outlaws focused on another, more personal, battle.

“Racin like a pack of turtles huh?” Billy Bob Boggletin wrinkled his forehead to make it obvious that he was perplexed. “I never seen a turtle race that much.”

“Dang it!” Billy Bob’s brother, Benny shouted and then slapped his knee to show off his state of aggravation. “That’s the whole point of what I was tryin ta tell ya boy! They’re slow…just like you are…”

“Slow am I?” Billy Bob scratched his unshaven chin as he raised his voice into a bellow. “At least I ain’t one of them fast women you like hangin around!”

“This here’s the 1800s boy. Get with the times! Women can race horses if they darn well wanna.” With that, Benny slugged his brother in the chin. As he took a moment to nurse his aching fist, a reflective smile graced his face. “Sides, I think there’s somethin excitin about seein a woman racin along at six miles an hour.”

“Speakin of racin along, where did all them wagons go?” Billy Bob rose from his position on the ground and began rubbing his painful jaw.

The two outlaws scanned the empty prairie, looking for their prey. Sadly, while they were arguing, the innocent settlers seemed to have escaped their grasp. In the distance they could see a thin plume of smoke rising into the twilight sky.

It was a lesson that they would never forget.

If you don’t take your opportunity to rob and burn the wagon train, somebody else will. But then, they didn’t have a posse to flee from either. It just goes to show that sometimes blessings come dressed in unusual clothing.

Since they didn’t have to flee for their lives, they had more time to do what they loved. Argue. So, I guess in a way it was a happy ending…but they weren’t really happy…so, figure that one out.


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