I felt lost and desperate.
Life was like a giant inflatable zebra, bouncing me around, up and down without rhyme or reason.
Once I was able to numb the tedium of this existence simply by buying more things I didn’t need. Once I had been able to enhance my opinion of myself simply by drinking enough certain drinks.
However, as I crawled through the tunnels I had made through the mass of things in my home…nursing a black eye and a pounding headache, I began to suspect that I was being made a fool of.
Would corporations really lie to me?
The question weighed heavily upon my soul.
All these things I mentioned had made me feel like I was really something…but in reality, it seemed like they left me with nothing.
I began to long for something more.
I began to long for something natural, something of substance.
As Friday the 13th dawned, the terror of the day began to overwhelm my senses. Desperate for any sort of help, I decided to turn to the superstitions of old.
As I read my tea leaves, looking for advice on the future, I began to get excited! Once these very leaves had been in hot water and survived to tell the tale! I could trust these leaves to get me out of hot water too! Upon closer examination the leaves spake unto me and told me to go forth and find a lucky charm that would protect me from harm.
Like any sensible person, I was obedient to the leaves and went bounding forth into the world!
Luckily, I was able to find many lucky charms in the cereal aisle at the local grocery store…however, these lucky charms were over-processed modern garbage, according to the ancient scrolls. For maximum effectiveness, it was clear that I would need a NATURAL lucky charm to carry in my pocket.
According to the gurus down at the local temple (AKA Tim Hortons Coffee Shop), simply by laying there in my pocket, a natural lucky charm would release vibrations into the natural universe, attracting natural luck and fulfillment to me.
Wow! This teaching was exactly what I needed!
This made a whole lot more sense than following science or logic, so I handed over all my dollars to those gurus at the temple and began to search the world for my very own lucky charm.
Oh! What joy flooded my soul the day I finally grabbed that lucky rabbits foot!
At last I was set!
I had my very own lucky charm!
Still, even this didn’t go as I had hoped.
Perhaps this would have gone better if I had separated the rabbits foot from the rest of the rabbit…perhaps this rabbit’s foot would have been easier to carry in my pocket if the rabbit it was attached to had been dead. However, a dead rabbit couldn’t be considered as lucky, could it?
I was so confused!
I decided that I better seek the stars for more wisdom on this. So, later this afternoon I’m going over to meet with the local community theater group to see what insight they have to offer.
Wish me luck.
Kelvin Bueckert 