Welcome to the Golden Tabernacle in Los Angeles! Tonight on our Hour of Superduperpower we have a special surprise for you all, Straight Talkin Steve!
This uneducated fisherman claims to have a word of God for us all. Frankly, I have my doubts…but we’ll soon see about that won’t we?
How about a big round of applause for Brother Steve! It took a lot of nerve for him to come here today.
Go on! Give it up! That’s it!”
(The crowd roars it’s approval. An unshaven street person stumbles toward the stage. Covered in rags, he is obviously out of place in the well-dressed crowd all around him. The picture of a lamb being lead to the slaughter, he moves toward the pulpit and then begins to speak.)
‘Friends. I don’t have much time, so I’ll get to the point. Many Churches spend immense amounts of time and money trying to get people in the world to come to them. However, according to the words of Jesus, his Church, (defined as people who follow him) is sent out, into the world. Therefore, a Church whose main function is to serve itself is not a Church that actually serves Jesus. Friends, the example that Jesus set was of sacrificing himself for the benefit of others.’
“Great words Steve! How about another big round of applause for Brother Steve! Yeah, that’s it! I’m afraid you’re wrong on a few points there Steve, basically all of them, but you tried your best, so that’s nothing to be ashamed of! Wooo hooo!”
Brother Billy leaned back on his heels and let out a wolf howl that echoed through the wide open space before him. As the audience chuckled it’s appreciation, Brother Billy recovered his breath and flashed a million dollar smile toward the camera.
“That’s why preaching is best left to professionals like us folks! Heh Heh. Now, we’ll take a short break to reset the stage and we’ll be back for our service of offerings. This would be a good time to get out your credit cards and cheque books! You’ll need them! This is Brother Billy Balarney coming to you live on the Hour of Superduperpower!”
(Cue Ad for Brother Balarney’s new 16 page booklet. Financial Planning for Dummies. Available now for a suggested donation of 29.95 + shipping and handling.)