Afterparty

Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Pexels.com

Laughter is dancing around my ears

my mouth is moving with the music

but the truth is I don’t feel the joy I pretend to

the conversation swells like an evening tide

but in my mind, I am washed up on a shore

a castaway on an island of nowhere

they say that I am a star

and that everyone is waiting to hear

the words I really don’t want to say

in the crowded room where I don’t want to be

I thought I had left the stage earlier that evening

but it seems that the show isn’t over

wherever I turn the eyes of the fans are following

like sharks circling a wounded seal

and so for now I am still performing

struggling to stay afloat

but my battery is quickly running down

I can see a red light

there is blood in the water

I really need a place to plugin

everyone thinks I have it all together

like those characters, I play onstage

no one can see that the edges of my mind are fraying

and the material of my costume is falling apart

bathed in the crimson of that warning light

the scent of weakness that the audience loves to hunt

so I dare not show it

***

I was thinking back to a time in my life when this was my mindset. The shows were good. People thought I was great. But I was very depressed. I was listening to the wrong voices. I knew I needed to change but I kept putting it off. It took a crisis to prompt the changes that needed to be made. But, after the changes were made, things became much better. You may think you are alone…but the truth is, you don’t have to be. You may think that you are past hope…but the truth is, you aren’t. You may think that you will never escape the pain of yesterday…but the truth is, tomorrow can be a new beginning. Being honest about your situation is the first step…reaching out for help is the next…

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